{"id":519,"date":"2008-03-19T09:53:45","date_gmt":"2008-03-19T08:53:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.branedy.net\/?p=519"},"modified":"2008-03-20T09:44:17","modified_gmt":"2008-03-20T08:44:17","slug":"deteriorata-in-the-new-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/?p=519","title":{"rendered":"Deteriorata in the New World"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>While this is a bit dated, it is still funny, if sad. I have been thinking of additions or modifications that would fit the  current world conditions. Things like Global Warming, Corrupt government, the Iraq war etc. What would you add to this classic?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><a href=\"http:\/\/nationallampoon.com\/\"><br \/>\n                 Deteriorata<\/p>\n<p>Go placidly amid the noise and waste,<br \/>\nAnd remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.<br \/>\nAvoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.<br \/>\nRotate your tires.<br \/>\nSpeak glowingly of those greater than yourself,<br \/>\nAnd heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.<br \/>\nKnow what to kiss and when.<br \/>\nConsider that two wrongs never make a right,<br \/>\nBut that three lefts do.<br \/>\nWherever possible put people on &#8220;HOLD&#8221;.<br \/>\nBe comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,<br \/>\nAnd despite the changing fortunes of time,<br \/>\nThere is always a big future in computer maintenance.<br \/>\nRemember the Pueblo.<br \/>\nStrive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.<br \/>\nKnow yourself.  If you need help, call the FBI.<br \/>\nExercise caution in your daily affairs,<br \/>\nEspecially with those persons closest to you;<br \/>\nThat lemon on your left for instance.<br \/>\nBe assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls,<br \/>\nWould scarcely get your feet wet.<br \/>\nFall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.<br \/>\nCarefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,<br \/>\nAnd let not the sands of time get in your lunch.<br \/>\nFor a good time, call 606-4311.<br \/>\nTake heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog<br \/>\nIs finally getting enough cheese;<br \/>\nAnd reflect that whatever fortunes may be your lot,<br \/>\nIt could only be worse in Sioux City.<br \/>\nYou are a fluke of the Universe.<br \/>\nYou have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,<br \/>\nThe Universe is laughing behind your back.<br \/>\nTherefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive him to be,<br \/>\nHairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.<br \/>\nWith all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,<br \/>\nThe world continues to deteriorate.<br \/>\nGive up.<br \/>\n                        &#8211;From the National Lampoon Radio Dinner album.<br \/>\n<\/a>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>While this is a bit dated, it is still funny, if sad. I have been thinking of additions or modifications that would fit the current world conditions. Things like Global Warming, Corrupt government, the Iraq war etc. What would you<span class=\"ellipsis\">&hellip;<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/?p=519\">Read more <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Deteriorata in the New World<\/span><span class=\"meta-nav\"> &#8250;<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<p><!-- end of .read-more --><!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,4,35,59],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-519","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-things","category-history","category-lifestyle","category-satire"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/519","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=519"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/519\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=519"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=519"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.branedy.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=519"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}